Wednesday, November 12, 2008

PDL Day 2

I'm behind in posting from Purpose Driven Life, though I'm not behind in reading it.

I debated whether or not to post this one, but thought that maybe if someone else saw the struggles that I have you might be more open to sharing your own. Please feel free to not comment on this post, or to comment critically instead of sympathetically.

Day 2, Thinking about my Purpose

Point to ponder: I am not an accident.

Verse to remember: I am your Creator. You were in my care even before you were born.” Isaiah 44:2

Question to Consider: Knowing that God uniquely created me, what areas of my personality, background, and physical appearance am I struggling to accept?

Most of it. I have a difficult time believing that God created me with so many physical struggles, or at least the potential to have so many physical struggles. My back is a constant worry and fear, and while I realize that much of the problems I have now are my fault, the initial problem – premature degenerative “disease” – is not. What was the purpose in creating a human body that would start to destroy itself at the age of 13? Now that I’m taking much better care of myself than I was even three years ago, it’s doubly frustrating and doubly hard to accept that I am never going to be able to do some things. I’m afraid to travel and some days, I’m even afraid to tie my own shoes.

That’s not really part of my appearance, and I struggle with my appearance as well. Sometimes when I look in the mirror, I think I’m not so bad looking; I might even say I’m pretty. But then I see pictures of myself and can’t believe I ever thought I might be pretty.

I still struggle with how we’ve been treated by the church over the past 15 years. Maybe I shouldn’t struggle with it. I’m sure that other people have struggles more with the church’s action than we have. But I still hurt, and think sometimes that maybe if we hadn’t been treated the way we were by Jenkinsburg and England Chapel that maybe our lives would be a little easier right now.

At the same time, I struggle with the knowledge that we might really be homeless someday so that I know what it’s like to be homeless. Can you help the homeless and poor without being homeless or poor yourself? Can you really understand what they’re going through?

I don’t like my personality, and I’m in no mood to discuss it.

1 comment:

Eric Hadley-Ives said...

When we believe that God is our creator, and we are in God's care, I wonder what the "we" is. Some of what I am seems to be superficial, and transitory. I mean I change, or am different in various circumstances. Is that part of me that is more transitory and changeable as much who I am as the more stable and deeper me? Does God care for part of me and what I am, and not so much other parts of me?